I read some people tweets on Twitter (where else?) saying that they are not feeling as happy as others about their upcoming convocation. I am also one of those people
I will be graduating this Sunday, November 1st. Please do come to UKM, at the hall near the main gate around 12pm. I would be really happy if you could come. But first, let me share about my feelings on graduation and convocation. I have a lot of mixed feeling when it comes to graduation. Here in this post, I want to sort out my feelings, ask questions and answer them myself.
Why do I feel like I don't deserve to be in convocation?
This is what I feel the most right now. I can't understand this feeling as much, but basically I don't think I fulfilled all the conditions to be a true graduate (What is a "true graduate" anyway?). I think, at least I should've still remembered many things that I have learned during my undergraduate studies. I guess as of today, I only remembered around 5% or less of what I have learned. It is bad, and I should feel shameful about myself. I even sold a few of my reference books to my juniors, in contrast to as Dr Eddie said, we should have kept them for our future references.
This is affecting me when I want to help my juniors. There are many things that I realized I don't actually remember when they asked me. It makes me feel... inadequate. I should have remembered all that. I should have know how to solve many of the questions and problems. But I don't. Maybe I shouldn't have offered to help them in the first place.
Also, I should have read a lot more books and gain ans much general knowledge as I should. Just to increase my knowledge and be more prepared with my future paths. I only managed to read a handful of books. Not that many books managed to capture my attention. I haven't done much as a student. Perhaps I am the worst out there.
But hey, I shouldn't feel that way.
First of all, I should remember that three years ago, I made the decision to drop out from University of Wisconsin-Madison. I gave up on that path in order to look for a new one. The moment I gave up is the moment when I don't deserve to graduate. Did I ever give up here in UKM? The thought was there, but still I didn't. So there's no way that I am not suit to be on the stage on convocation day.
About remembering only 5% of what I have learned, I think it is normal. But doesn;t mean that I want to stay at 5%. If I want to use it in the future, I can always refer back to the books or just do a quick search on Google. It is simple, really. It is okay to admit that I don't know, but still be helpful in the same time. "We can search this together" or "Let's find out the answer together" is better.
There are a lot of times to catch up reading books as well. Just be consistent.
I am just another undergraduate who just managed to finish his/her study...
So I don't really feel special. If everyone is graduating, then what are the differences between them and me? I don't stand out in any way, and no one will remember me in the convocation. To other people, we are just the "products" who are carrying our university's name when we want to search for a job. So why bother graduating? We aren't anything special.
I can't say for everyone else, but I know we don't need to be conformed by society as a whole. For me, I should remember that I made a big stupid mistake back then, so graduating is one of my proof that I didn't want to repeat it. I know that my family will be happy to see I'm graduating, though I wish my father is still here with us to see me on stage.
Also, it is not up to anyone else to show my self worth. I know our Vice Chancellor talked about Red Umbrella, but there's no way he is going to recognize us who are not directly involved with the UKM administrations. So it is going to be me who will be determining my own pathway and future. As a Muslim, we only need to please Him.
So I don't really feel special. If everyone is graduating, then what are the differences between them and me? I don't stand out in any way, and no one will remember me in the convocation. To other people, we are just the "products" who are carrying our university's name when we want to search for a job. So why bother graduating? We aren't anything special.
I can't say for everyone else, but I know we don't need to be conformed by society as a whole. For me, I should remember that I made a big stupid mistake back then, so graduating is one of my proof that I didn't want to repeat it. I know that my family will be happy to see I'm graduating, though I wish my father is still here with us to see me on stage.
Also, it is not up to anyone else to show my self worth. I know our Vice Chancellor talked about Red Umbrella, but there's no way he is going to recognize us who are not directly involved with the UKM administrations. So it is going to be me who will be determining my own pathway and future. As a Muslim, we only need to please Him.
I can't stand formalities.
First we need to standby at the hall earlier in the morning. Then we need to listen to people giving speeches. Then wait for our turn to go up the stage, only for no one will be clapping for you. Then it will be finished on afternoon.
Deal with it. I can always go for informal celebration before or after the convocation.
First we need to standby at the hall earlier in the morning. Then we need to listen to people giving speeches. Then wait for our turn to go up the stage, only for no one will be clapping for you. Then it will be finished on afternoon.
Deal with it. I can always go for informal celebration before or after the convocation.
Now I feel a lot better... I guess? Anyway, I should really enjoy my graduation day. I still remember how I felt when I saw pictures of my friend in UW graduating on Facebook. I wish I could remove them from my timeline at that time. I feel miserable and hopeless, but I should have my moment as well.
My feelings are sorted out.
My feelings are sorted out.